Now, 13-year-old William has become very stubborn. If he doesn’t do anything he wants, he is very angry. When you don’t give what you want, shout, don’t eat; Don’t even hesitate to vandalize. Yesterday, when I was talking about reducing the use of mobile phones, he started shouting at home. So, his parents have not been able to cope with his insistence.
Adolescents (usually 10 to 19 years old) have a strong sense of emotion, curiosity, and independence, which can lead to a desire to do everything on their own, as well as a parent’s strict discipline or excessive indulgence.
How to handle stubbornness
Complete disregard for stubbornness: One of the principles of psychology is that behavior that gets attention or indulgence will increase. And the behavior that will be neglected will gradually decrease. Indulgence or attention we give in many ways. For example, if he insists, we indulge his attention by fulfilling what he wants, by gossiping or criticizing him, and even by exaggerating.
So the first step to reducing the child’s stubbornness is to completely ignore his unwanted behavior, that is, not to talk or react to the stubbornness. If any of his demands are constantly ignored, this behavior will gradually decrease.
Temporarily reduce the benefits due to unacceptable behavior
If you insist on breaking the rules of the family (such as vandalism, abuse, staying out, raising your hand, threatening) as well as temporarily expressing the benefits you deserve, such as expressing your love for him (such as warmth in use, increasing food, cooking to your liking), Pocket money, gifts, etc.) reduce as needed. Indirectly explain to the child that unwanted behavior or insistence will reduce his ‘benefits’ from unacceptable use, just as he will not be able to meet his demands.
Don’t give what you want. Keep some of the child’s needs unfulfilled even if you can afford them. In this way, just as the child learns to understand, all our desires are not always fulfilled, so he learns how to adapt to ‘not getting’. Learning to adapt from an early age will help you to move forward by simply accepting the various ‘failures’, failures, and unforeseen events of life.
Focus on the desired behavior
Immediately express appreciation and love to your child for any good deeds, such as listening to you, reducing stubbornness, obeying family rules, doing well in sports or studies.
Be a good example for your child
Children and adolescents learn by watching. So if you get a little angry, abusive, vandalizing, then naturally your child will learn that. In the case of a child, try to reflect on what you want in your behavior.
Refrain from negative behavior
If you insist, refrain from gossiping, raising your hand, criticizing. Excessive gossip destroys the importance of criticism. The child becomes accustomed to such behavior and never takes notice. In addition, if the child is scolded, after a while the guardian acts to make himself feel bad and tries to compensate him in some way by rewarding him. Eventually, unwanted behavior increases rather than decreases.
Inform the basic rules of the family
Inform your child from an early age about basic family rules, such as regular schooling, respect for adults, spending time outside the home without permission, or other personal belongings, such as wallets, cell phones, laptops, etc.
What to do
*** Express that you love your child
*** Respect the child’s ‘privacy’ (knock when entering the house)
*** Give small responsibilities to the family according to age, let him buy his personal things of his choice (it increases the ability to make decisions, the child is confident)
*** Accept common failures (bad results, etc.) easily instead of reprimanding and teach him to accept (this will increase his ability to cope with stress)
*** Spend time with your child, talk about his / her interests (eg: his friends, sports, favorite singers, future dreams), watch movies together, listen to music (it can get close to the child)
Don’t do that
*** Talking with hurt feelings or disrespect, raising hands, making comparisons (because it creates an inferiority complex in the child)
*** Do not talk about the child’s persistence to others or in front of the child (because persistence is important)
*** Don’t make false threats don’t reveal what you can’t do (because it reduces the importance of your words).
*** Do not force your own opinion on personal matters (this reduces the child’s ability to make decisions)